Tub Time

A creative guide for the productive and intoxicated bather
Red, white, and blue. Some of us had to work for Presidents Day.

Red, white, and blue. Some of us had to work for Presidents Day.

National Bubble Bath Day approaches!

You fools KNOW what I’ll be doing.

1 year ago
Post Thanksgiving. What to do with your leftovers and your shame. *The creator and editor of Tub Time does not condone or endorse eating disorders. 

Post Thanksgiving. What to do with your leftovers and your shame. 
*The creator and editor of Tub Time does not condone or endorse eating disorders. 

Detox Bath that makes you sweat like a whore in church.

1 year ago
Pre-Thanksgiving bath planning bath

Pre-Thanksgiving bath planning bath

Movie night!

Movie night!

Here is what you do

Often people ask me, “What do I do?”

You may be one of those people. So here is what you do:

1) Boil water

2) Clean your face

3) Make tea

4) Exfoliate your face

5) Take the leftover hot water in the kettle and pour it into the sink, pull up the stopper, put your face over the sink, a towel over your head. Get it? You’re steaming your face.

6) Take the tea bags out of the tea.

7) Put on pore strips where needed.

8) Drink your tea. Put liquor in it if you need.

9) Pull off pore strip. Ow.

10) Apply a serum with vitamins or some shit. I like this thing I got with my Bare Minerals that I am too lazy to look up right now.

11) Put a mask on over your serum and put your tea bags on your eyes.

12) Chill out to some death metal for ten minutes.

13) Rinse.

14) Moisturize.

15) Clean up after yourself or have the maid do it if you have a maid. Then again, if you have a maid, you can afford a spa so you’re not reading this anyway.

16) Clean shit out of the litter box because that just happened while I was trying to relax.

Y’all quit that loud talkin’ while Mawmaw is havin’ her me time.

Y’all quit that loud talkin’ while Mawmaw is havin’ her me time.

Don’t cry because you’re too broke for another pedicure. Smile because you remembered to buy rum before paying your bills.

Don’t cry because you’re too broke for another pedicure. Smile because you remembered to buy rum before paying your bills.

Look, Ma…at how weird this is getting!

Look, Ma…at how weird this is getting!